Two women met for coffee on the other side of the outdoor patio. I overheard the friends subtly trying to outdo one another with their grandkids’ achievements. Something like, “She was reading before even starting kindergarten,” in response to the other’s grandchild brag. They went on to talk about their yoga classes and summer vacations, their annoyance with the mask mandate, and made plans for their next coffee date. I glanced over to see their perfectly bronzed skin and stylish outfits, thinking of them then as youthful grandmas.
Meanwhile, I opened up a fresh bag for the feeding pump, poured in the breast milk, and primed the line — finding satisfaction in how quickly the breast milk moved through the fresh line. Is this what it means to be a medical mama? I pulled out syringes of medication, crushed tablets and dissolved them in water. I caught the youthful grandmas’ uncomfortable glances as the feeding pump beeped with each button I pushed to start the feed.
If I start Eloise’s feed in public, it’s usually in a medical setting, like the hospital or a doctor’s office. Places where medical equipment and beeping sounds belong in the background. The tubing and beeping were out of place for a coffee shop patio, but I was unbothered by the darting looks of pity. I was doing what I do to feed my child.
I was bothered, though, by the youthful grandmas’ attempts to one-up each other with their grandkids’ achievements. The competition started with one brilliant granddaughter’s ability to read before kindergarten. I thought to myself, if you’re going to brag about achievements, can she tie her shoes or open her own fruit snacks at lunch time? And what about her character? Is she going to be a good friend to her classmates?
My mind jumped to Eloise’s recent well-child visit, where I declined to fill out the 18-month-old questionnaire. I skimmed it and put the pen back on the clipboard and set it down on the tiny counter space next to the stainless steel sink. Eloise was 22 months old, and she couldn’t do most, if any, items on the 18-month-old survey. I wondered what the youthful grandmas would brag about if Eloise were one of their granddaughters.
